A Short Story on the Website of |
Life Ends
As his breathing slowed,
I waited, expecting each one to be his last. I watched him struggle to open his
mouth, to suck in the oxygen his body needed to keep going. I watched and I
waited for some kind of miracle or that final release of his life. I’ve spent days thinking about what life
would be like for all those around me if I died. I’ve spent time wondering what
songs should be sung at my funeral, where I should be buried or if I should be
buried at all. I’ve wondered what comes after death. Watching my Grandpa die, some of the
same things went through my head. But about him. I wondered what songs he would
like to hear the most. I wondered why I never asked him before, when he still
had a chance to answer. He sucked one more breath, and I found
myself staring at the tubes that were protruding out of his body. I stared at
the IV bag that hung beside his bed, the one with the morphine. “We’ll just make him comfortable,” Dr.
Cline told me. “We want this to be easy for him.” The only thing I really wanted was for
this to be over. I wanted my Grandpa to wake up, take the tubes out of his body
and walk down the hall with me. I wanted him to take me fishing like he did
when I was little. One truth I’d known for years was that
Grandpas and fishing go hand in hand. He drew another breath. They came
slower. Farther apart. He seemed to be slipping ever closer to that edge of
death. I held his still warm hand in mine, and
I watched him. I waited so intently, it’s almost as if I thought I might see
his soul leaving as that last breath failed to come. The heart monitor
continued to beep with the beats of his heart, but it was feeble. Weak. That
too would stop with his breath. I stood, finally deciding that he was
only holding on for me. Still holding his hand, I bent low over his head and
spoke into his ear. I didn’t know if he could hear me or not, but I spoke. “Grandpa,” I said, the tears already
choking me, “It’s time to let go. I know you’re holding on for me, but I’m
okay, now. I’m strong enough to go on my own.” My other hand brushed at what little
hair chemo had left behind. I kissed his forehead, tears streaming down my nose
onto his skin. Another breath. “I love you, Grandpa, and I want you to
get better, but your body is too weak. It’s time to let go. You’ve been a
better grandpa than I could have asked for. I’ll miss you dearly, but I’ll be
okay. I’ll be okay.” I continued to speak to him, but there
was no reason to. The breaths he’d worked so hard for, stopped coming. |
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